If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
vagina is talking i cant
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
