WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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