my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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