I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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