My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
