there's paper in my vomit.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
