I hate your face
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
