every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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