i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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