Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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