I'm passing your future prison.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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