she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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