We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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