if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
