Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
as a side note pls kill me
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
