Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
