butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
