Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize