the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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