Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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