why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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