hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
