and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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