I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Two words: nipple clamps
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