I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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