Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
