the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Randomize
