My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
