Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
