Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
dude. I can hear the air.
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