we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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