Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
