In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
