why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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