Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
