There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
