Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
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