I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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