Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
