Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
