yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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