I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
