I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
