I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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