hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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