At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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