who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
