theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
