Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
