I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
4 words: hood of his car
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
