their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
