I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
