what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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