I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The power of my boobs compel you
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
