you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
