she smelled like a LAN party
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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