evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
honey bunches of taint.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
