I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
