Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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