Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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