we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
