I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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