i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
we're making bets on your personal life
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize