Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
