I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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