Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
