why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
