you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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