Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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